


One For Sorrow

by DontTouchTheSun



Series: brodinsons [4]
Category: Journey into Mystery, Marvel, Marvel (Comics), Thor (Comics)
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, but nothing is okay, kid loki deserves and gets a hug, major character death cause yknow. kid loki dies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-16
Updated: 2019-11-16
Packaged: 2021-01-31 14:54:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21448030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DontTouchTheSun/pseuds/DontTouchTheSun
Summary: Seven brief glances into Kid Loki's life and mind.Inspired by the Magpie Poem.
Series: brodinsons [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1356970
Comments: 3
Kudos: 27





	One For Sorrow

**Author's Note:**

> so this was just a quick fanfic i wrote mostly after rereading JiM (though i finished it months later, woo college and losing inspiration for months at a time). most of the scenes are taken from the comics but focusing on kid loki's thought process at the time. comments and kudos are much appreciated!

**ONE FOR SORROW.**

Loki couldn’t meet Thor’s eyes, head bent and gaze firmly locked on the ground as he hunched in on himself. This was his fault. He had released Surtur, he had helped the Manchester gods win. Had he managed to do anything good? He had rewritten the Serpent’s story to save the world, but in turn had guaranteed Thor’s death. He released Surtur to destroy the second Asgard but now the world was threatened by the fire giant. 

He’d gotten the Hel Wolf killed and could barely take care of the hellhound puppy he now had. He’d betrayed the Otherworld gods and helped the Manchester ones win thinking they were in the right, now their weapons were turned against the World Tree. He’d fulfilled his debt to Hela and in turn destroyed his best friend.

No, he had managed to do nothing good. 

There was a deep ache in his chest, a vice wrapped around his throat.

“You can’t even be trusted to look after a dog.”

Loki felt warm tears track lines down his cheeks at Thor’s words, at his horrified, shocked tone. He spun on his brother, eyes wide and voice cracking. _“I was only trying to help.”_

He’d tried to be good, he’d tried to be a hero like Thor, to save the world. He’d tried he’d tried he’d tried.

Strong arms wrapped around him and it felt like Loki’s heart was being shredded. He clung tightly to his brother, barely hearing the comforting words he spoke.

He’d tried.

**TWO FOR JOY.**

There was a feeling of horror seeing the second Leah, realizing that this was once again his fault. He had hurt his best friend, unknowingly, unthinkingly, and that made it all the worse because he had written her into a story not thinking of what would happen to her after. Yet, thrumming in his chest was a feeling of joy. He’d failed Leah twice, the first by writing her into a story with no end and the second by not finding a way out of Hela’s deal. But she was here now and there were already plans swirling around in Loki’s mind, a way to give Leah the story she deserved. 

It would be dangerous, risky. He would have to help her before defeating Surtur and the delay could put all of the Nine Realms at risk but he couldn’t simply abandon her. This was his fault and Leah was his best friend and maybe it wasn’t heroic but Loki would put her before anything else.

**THREE FOR A GIRL.**

Loki forced his face into a mask, shoving all of his emotions deep down within him as he told Hela to send Leah away. He would have been surprised at how easily she acquiesced to his demands but all he could feel was his stomach clenching as Leah said she would hate him forever and the tears building in his eyes.

“By the time she grows up, she’ll be more than capable of dealing with the likes of you.”

Loki didn’t understand and he didn’t have time to question Hela further, only able to stare at her in confusion for a few moments before fleeing Hel.

The answer came to him later, as he leaned over the book that would take him back to Old Loki. 

Leah had always been a part of Hela, a literal handmaiden. Only now did he realize Hela was a part of Leah. 

He wanted to run back to Hel, to collapse on his knees in front of Hela and cry and tell her he was sorry. He had done it to protect her from Old Loki. He’d never wanted to hurt her. He wanted to apologize and beg for forgiveness until he saw some spark of Leah in Hela. 

But there was no time. His time was up and their story was over. At least he could gain comfort from knowing that she did survive - and Hela was right, she was more than capable of dealing with the likes of Loki.

**FOUR FOR A BOY.**

Loki’s memories of the past were hazy. He had nightmares of what Old Loki did, sometimes he would see a place or a picture or hear a name and he’d be struck with a sense of deja vu. His childhood memories felt less like memories and more like videos, a show he was watching but not one he had personally experienced. 

He remembered Odin - mostly all the yelling he did - and he remembered Freyja. Somewhere deep down he remembered Laufey, though those memories were fractured and broken and most of what he could remember was a burning hatred for Laufey that Loki tried not to focus on.

He remembered Thor when he’d been younger, when they’d been nearly the same age. He remembered the mischief they’d gotten up to and their adventures. Sometimes it felt like that Thor was a completely different person from the one Loki knew now, who was so much older and wiser and, in all honesty, acted more like a father than a big brother when he was around.

Loki did his best to not annoy Thor, at least not much. He was afraid, that one badly thought out trick would remind Thor of all he’d been before and he’d lose the only Asgardian who cared about him. In fact, he tried not to be a bother to Thor at all, resisting the urge to run to him whenever Thor returned to New Asgard or go to him with all his questions and research about the Midgardians.

He still beamed whenever Thor sought him out, basking in the attention his older brother gave him, at the hugs and questions, no matter how little time Thor could stay and chat. Even if it was just for a few minutes, those were his favorite minutes of the day.

Loki wasn’t going to ruin this again.

**FIVE FOR SILVER.**

Loki’s heart ached in sympathy for the Manchester gods. They had built something truly grand, something that would have been good and right if not for their agreement with Surtur. He watched as the silver-skinned god stepped outside, lips pressing into a thin line. This wasn’t fair. They were going to do so much good and now it had to all be destroyed.

He remembered what Thor had said what seemed like decades ago. He would make sure a bad thing happened to stop an even worse thing from happening. This was the bad thing that would stop an even worse thing.

It still wasn’t fair, Loki thought as he watched the Manchester gods collapse. Why was everything always the lesser of two evils?

**SIX FOR GOLD.**

Despite the feeling of doom blanketing him, the sun’s golden rays shone as bright as ever. So did Thor. His brother had no clue what was happening, merely hugging him tightly as Loki begged him to kill him if he turned evil. 

“No, never.”

Loki had expected that answer. Thor, who had brought back his mischievous brother even after all the destruction the Old Loki had caused, could never kill Loki. He wished Thor could, though. What would Ikol do when he took over? He said he wanted to change, but Loki was afraid. Afraid that Ikol would hurt Thor and hurt Asgard and hurt Midgardians again and again and his giant, kind, fool of a brother would never be able to stop him.

Loki buried his face against Thor’s shoulder, clinging tightly to the thunder god. He couldn’t control what happened next. He’d tried. For now, he just wanted to spend his last minutes with his brother wrapped in Thor’s arms.

**SEVEN FOR A SECRET NEVER TOLD.**

He’d realized something as he walked to his death.

No one would ever know he died.

Only Ikol would witness his death and what reason would he have to tell Asgard or Thor about it? It would only jeopardize his chances at being welcomed and seen as a hero. So Ikol would tell no one that Loki had sacrificed his life to save everyone else, that his existence had been ripped apart and thrown into the Void and overwritten by his older self. No one would mourn him. 

Thor would think Ikol was him and go on loving him and calling him his brother all the while Loki would be nothing.

Perhaps that was why Loki threw harsh words at Ikol, why he kept talking even though, in the end, it didn’t really matter. Nothing would change what was to happen.

_I played and won. You’re just being yourself, as always._

He wasn’t winning. He couldn’t win. There was no way to win. The deck had been stacked against him before he’d even existed, he would die and no one would know and there was no way out. For the first time, there was no clever trick he could pull to save everyone, including himself.

But he kept talking anyway, stared Ikol in the eyes and snarled, _I won and you lost. Never forget it._

Because he was a hero. And maybe no one would ever know, but he would know and Ikol would know and somewhere out there was a story of a young boy who sacrificed everything for people who had never believed in him and never loved him.

And maybe one day Thor would hear that story and he would be proud.

_I win._


End file.
